12 Mar Not Enough Self Confidence? You Can Get It Back!
Now Where Did I Put My Self-Confidence?
A Barrier to a Fulfilling Life
In my work as a coach and former therapist, I have learned that one of the biggest barriers to people achieving a fulfilling life is a lack of self-confidence. A lack of self-confidence can prevent people from taking risks, from challenging themselves, and from taking advantage of opportunities that arise.
Contributes to Avoidance
A lack of self-confidence also can contribute to a pattern of avoidance which leads people to make excuses, procrastinate, and even lie to themselves and others in order to protect themselves.
Why I am Writing This Article
Because I have struggled with self-confidence myself (as have most people in their lives)-it pains me whenever I coach people with the telltale signs of a lack of self-confidence. It is for this reason that I wanted to write an inspirational, instructive, and thought-provoking article, with the hope that I can spark those who lack self-confidence to start to take steps necessary to live again, have more fulfillment and achievement in their lives, and ultimately fulfill their true potential.
Do You Truly Feel You Deserve a Better Life?
What I have to say is drawn from years of experience as a mental health professional and as a coach who has seen people struggle, needlessly. These are bright people, caring people, people who deserve a better life and many have dedicated their lives to serving/helping others. So, why can’t they have the life they say they want? One reason is because some truly haven’t decided they want or deserve it yet. I know this sounds strange, but let’s look at some of the thought process that I have seen that gets in the way of making a final decision on living the life you want.
Is This You?
- You are feeling like you are not good enough or measure up to others
- You strive to be perfect but somehow it never seems to happen
- You keep changing your mind, cannot make a decision, or get certain things done
- When you do make a decision, you second guess yourself wondering if it was the right one
- You are sometimes critical of others and may question other people’s choices
- You feel that everyone makes good decisions except you
- You may feel that you do not deserve things to be better
- You “play it safe” for fear of taking a risk that will make things worse
- You sometimes have a hard time trusting others because you “got burned”
How about this? Is This You? Here’s what you do instead of moving forward:
- You put things off
- You make excuses
- You get distracted
- You obsess about details
- You avoid opportunities
If a good number of the above apply to you-then you lack self-confidence. But, of course, you know that.
There Is A Better Way!
The good news, is that there is a better way. A different way of thinking and acting that will help you feel better about yourself, better about others and improve your relationship with them. This way of living is one that simply stops all the noise, takes away all the barriers, and allows you to be you. Are you ready for it? Okay, here it is.
7 Things to do to get your Self Confidence Back-How to Improve Self Confidence
Stop Blaming Others: Maybe things are what they are because of things others have done, but keeping them this way is your doing and you have the power to change that. If you are around “toxic” people, limit your exposure to, and interaction with them.
Stop Making Excuses: If you do not want to do something- do not offer/or accept the task of doing it, and do not overcommit yourself, or think that you can do it all. You must get in the habit of doing what you say you are going to do.
Be Honest With Yourself and Others: It can be liberating to not have to think so much about what you have to say. Sometimes people can handle the truth and change can only happen when the truth is revealed.
Take Risks: Look for opportunities. Seize the moment. If things work out well you win. If things do not work out well, you learn. But either way, you live.
Tap Into Your Power: You have the power within. It’s in you, and it has been there all along. It will not corrupt you, not you, if you learn how to harness it. But it will be necessary to get used to seeing it more and learning how to use it better if you are to succeed.
Realize You Need Others: People need you, and you need other people to be successful. You can choose to do it alone- but then you have no one to share your success with, and what fun is that? Ask any successful person “to what do you attribute your success?” and they will usually name one or more people who influenced, coached, or mentored them, to help them get to where they are now.
Stop Procrastinating: Write everything down that needs to get done, break big tasks down into smaller, more achievable actions steps, schedule things that need to get done, and do them. If you cannot do them at the designated time- reschedule them. Find someone to hold you accountable, and build in some reinforcement for succeeding.
Realize You are Not Perfect And That Is Okay: As a Coach, I can make two contradictory arguments here. One is that you are perfect and just need someone to help you cultivate the perfect inner resources you possess. The second argument proposes that “perfection” is something to strive for, not attain. Striving for perfection can be good because it motivate us to learn and grow and be our best. But, when striving for it gets in the way of your success then you need to change your thinking. You must realize that no one is perfect. You are not perfect, you never will be, and do not need to be. And honestly, who wants to be perfect? It’s a lot of pressure to be perfect all the time. Not having things be perfect can be mentally and physically draining, and can make it more difficult to improve yourself, or become an excuse for not moving forward.
So now that you know how to improve self confidence in yourself- the only thing stopping you, is you!
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